Growing Up, Breathing, and Decision Making – Lauren Sortome

I’m sitting in an old creaky chair in the basement of my childhood home, the reality of my life slowly filtering through my chemistry studying, torque calculating, fashion show preparing brain. Graduation is pending in the near future and I’m faced with decisions I’ve been preparing to make for many years.

I’ve always been independent, outgoing and excited about my future. My goals have been clear for as long as I can remember, and yet, when the time comes to make them happen, I’m worrying and fretting and overthinking all those things I took for granted.

Spending time writing this is me procrastinating what I came to the computer to do. I can hear my parents upstairs cooking and chatting with CBC radio in the background. I have a letter, addressed to me from a university, sitting in front of me, urging me to stop looking for excuses and get on it.

I thought which university to go to would be an easy thing to decide. My plan was to apply to the three universities I was interested in, and see who offered me a larger scholarship; simple. Things became more complicated when I stopped considering it as a financial statement and instead as a home, as somewhere I would live and learn.

My home has always been importantto me. I live in a small town of 2000 people – I was born and raised here, and I’ve only recently come to realize how much I appreciate it. With this realization came the discovery of how important my ‘space’ is. Where I live, who I spend time around, where I spend time, what I do wherever I am… And so I discovered that one of the universities I applied to wasn’t fitting for me. This university also happened to offer me 4 years of tuition, plus travel and textbook allowances. I made my decision to decline the scholarship three days ago and have yet to write the email to let them know. I can’t stop rethinking and worrying and wondering and pondering and wasting time and energy thinking about all the ‘what if’s.’

But alas, here I am, rambling away, and preparing myself to make my first palpable decision toward my post-secondary education. I’m going to enjoy university, regardless of where I end up, and I know it will be a memorable experience. Those are facts. I also know that no matter how many times I write out an indecisive list of pros and cons, I will eventually manage to make my decision.

So here’s to growing up, breathing, and decision making.

All the best to all those in the same leaky boat,

Lauren